Here again

How can a heart contain this much love…enough love to keep loving when ones given up
Have I confused love with fear? The fear of letting go the fear of moving on. The fear of really truly having to trust my god.
Take this from my hands tear my flesh if you will… I don’t know how else to ask you to finish this reel
The movie plays back slowly pacing through my senses it’s just relentless
The feeling of holding on but letting go not caring but still wanting to know
Tasting freedom it’s so close I’m almost there then it hits me takes me out again
I’m left at what I feel is the beginning like an elliptical…no end
It makes sense why I have no control to where it stops because I didn’t press play
And I catch myself living like I had control over your choice to stay
Reality sets in that I’m just a pawn in this game no matter what numbers on the dice
You’re moving the pieces and changing the rules..twisting everything to make me the fool
So what am I learning what are you trying to teach me..how to live without being able to breathe?
Is it fun for you or are you completely unaware…it prolly seems a lot less from where you watch
Or are you even watching, maybe your just acting, just living breathing, easily, unbottched
I inhale your memories and exhale this sickness, this nagging uneasiness
I want to go back to the days where I didn’t even know this could exist
But its t too easy to live there to live in the safe, I was not created for safe I was created for real
And real is hurt and real is pain and real is convincing myself I can hold the reigns
But really they’ll always be in your hands until the end but there is no end viscous cycle
It begins again…..