Beautiful beauty,
I had to stop and ask myself a question today.
How long have I been searching for that something that makes me feel beautiful?
In what have I been finding my worth?
Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
But what is the outward appearance to man? What is beautiful?
Am I made to feel less like a person because im not a size two, because I have silly moles in random places or because my hair undone is a mess.
Should I be insecure that my boisterous laughter often startles the unsuspecting?
Am I crazy for finding joy in things that a twenty two your old should not find joy in like, children’s books, bubbles, and wiffle ball?
I don’t want to ever lose touch of that child in me, then I would lose touch of my faith, that childlike faith God commands us to have.
But back to beauty, are my imperfections really imperfections, or are they actually the very things that make me beautiful.
What if I turned my insecurities into something worth embracing? What if my little “quirks” was a positive rather than a negative”
Maybe my brown eyes although not blue or green, are endearing, calm, and limitless.
What if my hair undone and my flaws displayed made people more at ease around me? Then I embrace them. What if my beauty has to be sought. Not found at the first glimpse, what if you have to search, is that so bad?
And if the first thing you see when you look at me isn’t my body or my lips or my hair or my eyes, but there’s something just something you cant just put your finger on but its there, im ok with that.
Because my beauty isn’t attainable, describable, tangible, or common.
Rather vivid, rare, exotic and in Christ.
My Beauty is not of this world, not defined by this world, but of God defined by God, found in God.
And if this is my perspective, where can I go wrong.
I must know that it is not covered in make up hair done and dressed to the nines that ill have my best day.
The most breathe taking I will ever be is a mess broken tears streaked across my face, bearing all in the presence of God, you see because the closer he is to me the more beautiful I am.
I will not be defined, I will be limitless, every day an opportunity to be more beautiful, more captivating, every day a new opportunity to draw from the author of my beauty, My God!
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Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Beautifuly, simple
The world taunts us. It taunts us with our fears it taunts us with our insecurities, it taunts us with the temptation of better, more, worth it…..
In our inadequacy we yearn to be something more something better something finished or at least complete
In our inability to finish strong we often weaken ourselves leaving our hearts vulnerable to the lies that surround us. I’ve gone to far, its to late now, im not strong enough, this isn’t for me.
And though we have heard and been taught of the simplicity of God’s love and his grace we often count it as for everyone but our selves
You see its not in our strength that God meets us and makes us complete. Its in our honest humble desire to be closer to him.
Do we know that its possible to desire God truly desire him when we are covered in our own messes completely saturated in our insecurities and unstable thoughts.
God doesn’t want us to come to him complete and put together rather vulnerable weak and willing to admit defeat.
The world taunts us, taunts us with insecurity
Who am I to believe I am less than what God has created? To love oneself is to love the most intimate part of God. The closest most beautiful characteristic We find in God is that which we learn to embrace in ourselves for we were made in God’s image. He doesn’t create mistakes, he doesn’t create ugly . every time we think less of ourselves we are diminishing the light God has placed in us to shine and the last thing the darkness we proceed into daily needs, is dim lighting flickering only growing strong every once in a good “feeling” . our light can not burn on feeling alone we must “Know” Knowing is a relentless pursuit of an open mind to God’s ways his thoughts about us not our own. Our strength cannot be weakened by our insecurities or assumption of our inadequacies , it’s quite opposite. We need our strength to battle these things, and Knowing, truly Knowing is half the battle.
The world taunts us with our fears. I don’t think we need to worry about our fear of the dark, of clowns, spiders, small places. I think we use such simple things to mask the deepest fears within us. The fear of rejection , loneliness, never being good enough, the fear of being too much, too little, the fear of what’s ahead or even worse the fear of what’s behind, the fear of repetitive sin, of people finally seeing that we fail. It goes all the way back to the beginning when Adam and eve hid from God in the garden Fearing God would see them as they were. I feel like we play the same game with God and each other. We try to mask ourselves in our strengths our joy our independence and the reality is were hiding something so great or sometimes so small, we fear what could happen if God saw, if “they” saw what your really hiding. Another great opportunity for the world to conquer what we know. When we live in fear we are not Knowing God, not completely for God says “DO NOT be afraid, for I am with you, don’t be discouraged for I am your God” Isaiah 41:10.
The world taunts us with more, better, worth it.
Our own selfish desires for something better, something more, something worth it, something consistent, something permanent, these desires are often the beginning of the self destruction of our hearts.
We feel if only we could have something tangible and consistent to hold onto that we would be ok. We always want more, more things, more time, more love. We are far to often unsatisfied with the simplicity of life and of God. If it were Gods will for any of those desires to be filled they would be. And yet we strain our hearts and minds so much trying to achieve something we can control. If we desired only to be set apart to know God more to learn to depend on his love alone, our souls would find peace our minds at ease, and we would rest untossled by the thought of what comes next. We must choose to find our relationship with God although complex beyond human understanding, also simple as in “seek first the kingdom, and all else will follow” Notice it doesn’t say seek first the kingdom then if your not happy seek everything else until whatever your lusting after has been fulfilled, then you’ll be happy. False! It is far more simple then we make it, Love God Love People.
I write this not on some high mountain top having lived and learned it all, rather a weakened broken spirit burdened by my own downfalls, tossed about by the storms that I too often bring upon myself. I screw up far more often than the ideal believer but it’s a beautiful thing to constantly find yourself at the feet of a father who loves you covered in my own regret sin, inadequacy and fear. It sounds so strange but how could I appreciate the cleanse my God gives me if not been first covered in filth. And day by day ill have less sin and burden to bring to God and more praises, and sanctity, but until then I must remain broken God holding the pieces together so as that I cant function without him, and that to me is beautiful, that for me is simple.
In our inadequacy we yearn to be something more something better something finished or at least complete
In our inability to finish strong we often weaken ourselves leaving our hearts vulnerable to the lies that surround us. I’ve gone to far, its to late now, im not strong enough, this isn’t for me.
And though we have heard and been taught of the simplicity of God’s love and his grace we often count it as for everyone but our selves
You see its not in our strength that God meets us and makes us complete. Its in our honest humble desire to be closer to him.
Do we know that its possible to desire God truly desire him when we are covered in our own messes completely saturated in our insecurities and unstable thoughts.
God doesn’t want us to come to him complete and put together rather vulnerable weak and willing to admit defeat.
The world taunts us, taunts us with insecurity
Who am I to believe I am less than what God has created? To love oneself is to love the most intimate part of God. The closest most beautiful characteristic We find in God is that which we learn to embrace in ourselves for we were made in God’s image. He doesn’t create mistakes, he doesn’t create ugly . every time we think less of ourselves we are diminishing the light God has placed in us to shine and the last thing the darkness we proceed into daily needs, is dim lighting flickering only growing strong every once in a good “feeling” . our light can not burn on feeling alone we must “Know” Knowing is a relentless pursuit of an open mind to God’s ways his thoughts about us not our own. Our strength cannot be weakened by our insecurities or assumption of our inadequacies , it’s quite opposite. We need our strength to battle these things, and Knowing, truly Knowing is half the battle.
The world taunts us with our fears. I don’t think we need to worry about our fear of the dark, of clowns, spiders, small places. I think we use such simple things to mask the deepest fears within us. The fear of rejection , loneliness, never being good enough, the fear of being too much, too little, the fear of what’s ahead or even worse the fear of what’s behind, the fear of repetitive sin, of people finally seeing that we fail. It goes all the way back to the beginning when Adam and eve hid from God in the garden Fearing God would see them as they were. I feel like we play the same game with God and each other. We try to mask ourselves in our strengths our joy our independence and the reality is were hiding something so great or sometimes so small, we fear what could happen if God saw, if “they” saw what your really hiding. Another great opportunity for the world to conquer what we know. When we live in fear we are not Knowing God, not completely for God says “DO NOT be afraid, for I am with you, don’t be discouraged for I am your God” Isaiah 41:10.
The world taunts us with more, better, worth it.
Our own selfish desires for something better, something more, something worth it, something consistent, something permanent, these desires are often the beginning of the self destruction of our hearts.
We feel if only we could have something tangible and consistent to hold onto that we would be ok. We always want more, more things, more time, more love. We are far to often unsatisfied with the simplicity of life and of God. If it were Gods will for any of those desires to be filled they would be. And yet we strain our hearts and minds so much trying to achieve something we can control. If we desired only to be set apart to know God more to learn to depend on his love alone, our souls would find peace our minds at ease, and we would rest untossled by the thought of what comes next. We must choose to find our relationship with God although complex beyond human understanding, also simple as in “seek first the kingdom, and all else will follow” Notice it doesn’t say seek first the kingdom then if your not happy seek everything else until whatever your lusting after has been fulfilled, then you’ll be happy. False! It is far more simple then we make it, Love God Love People.
I write this not on some high mountain top having lived and learned it all, rather a weakened broken spirit burdened by my own downfalls, tossed about by the storms that I too often bring upon myself. I screw up far more often than the ideal believer but it’s a beautiful thing to constantly find yourself at the feet of a father who loves you covered in my own regret sin, inadequacy and fear. It sounds so strange but how could I appreciate the cleanse my God gives me if not been first covered in filth. And day by day ill have less sin and burden to bring to God and more praises, and sanctity, but until then I must remain broken God holding the pieces together so as that I cant function without him, and that to me is beautiful, that for me is simple.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Photograph
if you could take a glimpse a snapshot of the world around you and disect the hearts hiddden in plain view you would see the lost hope broken dreams hollow fears. You could look at peole and hear the beat of thier broken heart you would feel what people knew and know what people feel and as the snapshot paces back to life your heart would break because this is real and were not the same the differance between them and me the God i choose to see!
Dont ask
Patient beating of a longing heart
If ever ive tasted so clearly what i think i know
waiting for dissapointment to set in like it always does
its differant, no pain no tears but anticipation
will you take my heart or leave me here
my twisted thoughts not brought so clearly to words
but im still here asking why, could this be it?
tell me who i am to you, what can i make you
are you better or worse... more or less
what is the purpose of this twisted mess...
i find myself at the edge of a cliff waiting for you to push me off
will you join me in this fall or watch me crash into the broken emptiness
how did i find myself here in the dark again
why are you the only piercing light
I want to shake you, but i cant
i need to quit thinking but i wont
we have hit the climax and the story is at pause
so here's where its decided
will i continue alone, or we finish this story together
all i can do is love its all i know
so here my heart beats to the rythym of anticapation
(You have no idea!)
If ever ive tasted so clearly what i think i know
waiting for dissapointment to set in like it always does
its differant, no pain no tears but anticipation
will you take my heart or leave me here
my twisted thoughts not brought so clearly to words
but im still here asking why, could this be it?
tell me who i am to you, what can i make you
are you better or worse... more or less
what is the purpose of this twisted mess...
i find myself at the edge of a cliff waiting for you to push me off
will you join me in this fall or watch me crash into the broken emptiness
how did i find myself here in the dark again
why are you the only piercing light
I want to shake you, but i cant
i need to quit thinking but i wont
we have hit the climax and the story is at pause
so here's where its decided
will i continue alone, or we finish this story together
all i can do is love its all i know
so here my heart beats to the rythym of anticapation
(You have no idea!)
Hoplesness is you.
what more could i expect but the same dissapointment
throw what you want infiltrate if you will
who are you to shake me
who are you to think you can break me
my heart holds more than youll ever know
my soul knows Faith like you could never understand
Jigsaw my thoughts tempt my wild eyes
but you cant you wont steal from me i will not let you destroy
ive fought to long and loved to hard
ive been freed to many times
i will one day unveil the glory preciously preserved within me
and you will be ended FINALLY
untill that day comes i will fight against you
bruised and bleeding ill take pride in my scars
they share a testimony of my Victories
throw what you want infiltrate if you will
who are you to shake me
who are you to think you can break me
my heart holds more than youll ever know
my soul knows Faith like you could never understand
Jigsaw my thoughts tempt my wild eyes
but you cant you wont steal from me i will not let you destroy
ive fought to long and loved to hard
ive been freed to many times
i will one day unveil the glory preciously preserved within me
and you will be ended FINALLY
untill that day comes i will fight against you
bruised and bleeding ill take pride in my scars
they share a testimony of my Victories
He is.
so i went on a walk with Jesus tonight and this is what i discovered
You know that goofy smile you get on your face when someone you really like texts or calls you you know that giddy feeing that makes you feel like your a child...well God originated that feeling...i walked out the door and asked God to come on a walk with me and right in that moment i just burst out giggling i couldnt stop i was so infatuated with God at that moment...and as we waked he taught me something.
our lives are about extracting beauty from every moment
they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade and i say when God brings you a storm dance in the rain....
Life can really be about those moments...the spontanious moments that make you break out in boystrous laughter...or the moments where you find yourself in a puddle of your own tears just in awe of God's grace...who are we to waste a single moment given to us by the King himself...He has wrapped every moment in an abstract beauty but its up to us to find it...so for whoever reads this or maybe just for myself...i challenge you(or me) to find the beauty in every moment!!!!!
You know that goofy smile you get on your face when someone you really like texts or calls you you know that giddy feeing that makes you feel like your a child...well God originated that feeling...i walked out the door and asked God to come on a walk with me and right in that moment i just burst out giggling i couldnt stop i was so infatuated with God at that moment...and as we waked he taught me something.
our lives are about extracting beauty from every moment
they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade and i say when God brings you a storm dance in the rain....
Life can really be about those moments...the spontanious moments that make you break out in boystrous laughter...or the moments where you find yourself in a puddle of your own tears just in awe of God's grace...who are we to waste a single moment given to us by the King himself...He has wrapped every moment in an abstract beauty but its up to us to find it...so for whoever reads this or maybe just for myself...i challenge you(or me) to find the beauty in every moment!!!!!
Moments
wish a moment live a moment
creep a moment speed a moment
come a moment gone a moment
broken a moment breathing a moment
hold my heart while i capture this moment
wipe my tears while i relive the moment
lost in this moment
moments come moments go
and left here in this moment of hope
hollow moment overflowning moment
dreamt moment come true moment
moments sacrafice moment won
moments created moments spunn
capture my smile while i seize this moment
loose my fears while i run from this moment
what is a moment just a moment
witness who i am in the simplicity of These moments
life is...those moments...
creep a moment speed a moment
come a moment gone a moment
broken a moment breathing a moment
hold my heart while i capture this moment
wipe my tears while i relive the moment
lost in this moment
moments come moments go
and left here in this moment of hope
hollow moment overflowning moment
dreamt moment come true moment
moments sacrafice moment won
moments created moments spunn
capture my smile while i seize this moment
loose my fears while i run from this moment
what is a moment just a moment
witness who i am in the simplicity of These moments
life is...those moments...
He told me to trust you
I want to be apart from you and you apart from me and find each other in the common hope of what alive can mean!
I want to know and not doubt i want to trust and not feel.
Joined in that courageous freedom to forget who we were.
broken and breaking each other but remembering what its worth.
Thoughts colliding seemlessly that only we could understand.
I want to be apart from us and you know just where i am.
Not where i rest my head or where ill spend my day but knowing where my heart is and help it find its way.
I want to be alive in you awakened by your being.
Falling helplessly walking forward without seeing.
dream a dream set in motion by your life.
wanting so badly to doubt you but always being suprised.
To feel our hurts and see right through our smiles.
For every moment with you to stand still for a while.
Hope is what you are in me. Let's let go of each other and embrace free!
I want to know and not doubt i want to trust and not feel.
Joined in that courageous freedom to forget who we were.
broken and breaking each other but remembering what its worth.
Thoughts colliding seemlessly that only we could understand.
I want to be apart from us and you know just where i am.
Not where i rest my head or where ill spend my day but knowing where my heart is and help it find its way.
I want to be alive in you awakened by your being.
Falling helplessly walking forward without seeing.
dream a dream set in motion by your life.
wanting so badly to doubt you but always being suprised.
To feel our hurts and see right through our smiles.
For every moment with you to stand still for a while.
Hope is what you are in me. Let's let go of each other and embrace free!
Shaking
I cant sit still but I cant move
My heart is racing and I miss you
I need another moment just give me some room to breathe
My mind is pacing and im just trying to take hold and think
Save me please from my self from this place
I need a hand to grasp my reality so I can end this chase
Pounding in my chest can I trust have I missed?
Please just make it easy I cant take much more of this
It cant come down yet I haven’t let go
Panick setting in what was all this for
So much fear washing over me
Let this moment pass oh please God just let me be
I cant take much more I must release
Take grip tight hold on all of this for me PLEASE!
My heart is racing and I miss you
I need another moment just give me some room to breathe
My mind is pacing and im just trying to take hold and think
Save me please from my self from this place
I need a hand to grasp my reality so I can end this chase
Pounding in my chest can I trust have I missed?
Please just make it easy I cant take much more of this
It cant come down yet I haven’t let go
Panick setting in what was all this for
So much fear washing over me
Let this moment pass oh please God just let me be
I cant take much more I must release
Take grip tight hold on all of this for me PLEASE!
Exist
Lately i have began to wonder if what im looking for exists.
a consistant love that never gives in.
a heart that penetrates the surface of appearance.
a right question that provokes the best answer.
a calm in the storm, the joy through the pain.
an excitment, anticipation, giving selfless pursuit of the true story behind the hope in agony.
a real persistant faithful assurance in a future.
an understanding of hurt a sight beyond fear, broken for someone breaking,,
a care unexplicable, an adoration indescribable a relationship deep meaningful never failing always fighting for closer longing for more.
Something i can hope in something i can trust in, something that wont hurt.
None of this will ever exist in people, and truly not even in God, it will always hurt.
When you give yourself completly to something or someone there is no turning back.
And people will fail you, people will hurt you, people wont be there when you need them most, people will dissapoint you and people will always leave! So why continue to love? Why continue to give your all and why put your trust in something you know will fail you(people)? Simply because he said, "and the greatest of these is love!" and that is what love is truly, that's why!
a consistant love that never gives in.
a heart that penetrates the surface of appearance.
a right question that provokes the best answer.
a calm in the storm, the joy through the pain.
an excitment, anticipation, giving selfless pursuit of the true story behind the hope in agony.
a real persistant faithful assurance in a future.
an understanding of hurt a sight beyond fear, broken for someone breaking,,
a care unexplicable, an adoration indescribable a relationship deep meaningful never failing always fighting for closer longing for more.
Something i can hope in something i can trust in, something that wont hurt.
None of this will ever exist in people, and truly not even in God, it will always hurt.
When you give yourself completly to something or someone there is no turning back.
And people will fail you, people will hurt you, people wont be there when you need them most, people will dissapoint you and people will always leave! So why continue to love? Why continue to give your all and why put your trust in something you know will fail you(people)? Simply because he said, "and the greatest of these is love!" and that is what love is truly, that's why!
Echo
I won’t be just another face lost in a sea of voices
Hear me!
You need to live, let go, don’t fear!
Hear me!
Your being shaped, driven, refined, made whole
Hear me!
He’s more near you now than ever, don’t lose heart
Hear me im screaming now!
Let go, take hold, stop running
Hear me im barely breathing now!
He’s trying to catch you, wants to hold you
Hear me this is my last plea
He loves you, he loves the ugliness in you, please
Hear me, my face is lost again!
If only you would have listened!
Hear me!
You need to live, let go, don’t fear!
Hear me!
Your being shaped, driven, refined, made whole
Hear me!
He’s more near you now than ever, don’t lose heart
Hear me im screaming now!
Let go, take hold, stop running
Hear me im barely breathing now!
He’s trying to catch you, wants to hold you
Hear me this is my last plea
He loves you, he loves the ugliness in you, please
Hear me, my face is lost again!
If only you would have listened!
Like Children do
So in the recent turn of events, which consists of me graduating from masters and being an adult and having no idea what the heck im doing i began to think about something, actually kind of wish for something. I wish I could have been a child just once. I was forced to grow up way to fast with no family behind me no fantasies to take me out of where i had to live. Maybe if I had a child hood just once things would be easier now cause i could go back there and remember when things were safer...but i cant so all i can assume is the following
I wish I was a child again so i could love anyone at anytime not holding anything back.
I wish I was a child so i had no reason to doubt anything and could belive the world was mine.
When we were children everyday life felt so new, we could create and dream and imagine and exist in world with no boundries.
I would like to think if i was a child again my heart wouldnt hurt the way it does now
And I would hope if i were a child again i would look forward to the beggining of the day and not the end.
If i were a child a best friend would be there always, invisible or not, and if i were i child again illd never be alone.
You wouldnt be able to make me believe what i wanted was impossible if i were a child
And boys would still have cooties and dirt would be fun!
If i could live as a child i could be brave enough to fall and when i would fall there would always be someone waiting to catch me.
If i was a child i could cry and not pretend to be strong, cause the most comforting thing would be to be vulnerable and soft in someones arms
if i was a child i wouldnt know enough of the world to hate who i am, or who i was
In a childrens world theres no judgement no pain
but then we grow up and we become exposed
everything we encounter stifles us or helps us grow
and i feel so stuck in this place "adult"
if i could go back i would never grow up cause this is not where i want to be now
I wish I was a child again so i could love anyone at anytime not holding anything back.
I wish I was a child so i had no reason to doubt anything and could belive the world was mine.
When we were children everyday life felt so new, we could create and dream and imagine and exist in world with no boundries.
I would like to think if i was a child again my heart wouldnt hurt the way it does now
And I would hope if i were a child again i would look forward to the beggining of the day and not the end.
If i were a child a best friend would be there always, invisible or not, and if i were i child again illd never be alone.
You wouldnt be able to make me believe what i wanted was impossible if i were a child
And boys would still have cooties and dirt would be fun!
If i could live as a child i could be brave enough to fall and when i would fall there would always be someone waiting to catch me.
If i was a child i could cry and not pretend to be strong, cause the most comforting thing would be to be vulnerable and soft in someones arms
if i was a child i wouldnt know enough of the world to hate who i am, or who i was
In a childrens world theres no judgement no pain
but then we grow up and we become exposed
everything we encounter stifles us or helps us grow
and i feel so stuck in this place "adult"
if i could go back i would never grow up cause this is not where i want to be now
Empty
I can smile through this storm and maybe it will ease the pain, relearning how to breathe how to take my next step
But not quite moving on cause im still numb overtaken by regret
surrated edges of picture perfect cuts through the broken images i cant let go, broken and breaking this permanent stage im in
but who could ever tell with my head held high shoulders back and shallow grin
life wont taste the same not like it did
nothing will feel the same i wont let feeling in
almost, could've been, never was, its all the same
bleeding from the inside my wild eyes untamed
i could run from where i am but my heart would follow me
it's my heart i want to lose its from what i felt that i need to be free
captivated isnt so sweet and words are empty unless
we go through this again and im not left with the mess
What i held so close wasnt for me at all
it's not that you screwed up its that you pushed me to fall
and now your just another inspiration another chapter in my book
but i still feel sick inside when i fade back to how things looked
your eyes how they melted me, how lifes so unfair, but its ok it reallly is this i know for sure
cause even for those few moments life was sweeter, hapiness was pure
But i've left a piece of me with you one that cant be returned, and its poison inside of me and for that i have no cure.
But not quite moving on cause im still numb overtaken by regret
surrated edges of picture perfect cuts through the broken images i cant let go, broken and breaking this permanent stage im in
but who could ever tell with my head held high shoulders back and shallow grin
life wont taste the same not like it did
nothing will feel the same i wont let feeling in
almost, could've been, never was, its all the same
bleeding from the inside my wild eyes untamed
i could run from where i am but my heart would follow me
it's my heart i want to lose its from what i felt that i need to be free
captivated isnt so sweet and words are empty unless
we go through this again and im not left with the mess
What i held so close wasnt for me at all
it's not that you screwed up its that you pushed me to fall
and now your just another inspiration another chapter in my book
but i still feel sick inside when i fade back to how things looked
your eyes how they melted me, how lifes so unfair, but its ok it reallly is this i know for sure
cause even for those few moments life was sweeter, hapiness was pure
But i've left a piece of me with you one that cant be returned, and its poison inside of me and for that i have no cure.
Dependent
I Know a God who is good one i cannot doubt, how could i ever leave you how could i turn away.
Your love is beyond what i need yet you give me only enough to last me for today
That Just enough strength and that just enough love is what keeps me coming back to you
and when i get that extra im overwhelmed taken aback...when im overflowing i have to give it back
I wish i knew how to love some other way, love with caution, loving safe
but clearly thats not who you made me to be or want me to become, i love with everything and ill love anyone
And when im hurt and broken and when i have been done wrong i cant help but love the doer because your love God is so strong
And i wish people could know i wish they could understand that my God is the lover of me know love could compare received by any man
I hate that i love wrecklessly, that i love those who cant love the same
but what the heck is life worth if you cant love through the pain
God I wish they understood that you love us all so much and your hurting and in pain seeing us hurt from love
when its love your very love thats supposed to be enough
Theres a passion inside me that screams to know you more and i wish people could understand where ive stood
ive stood before you broken, alone confused, ive been overwhelmed ripped apart, screaming ive felt abused and yet in silence in the stillness in the darkness where i have stood Dear God help them understand that no matter where, you are good
I speak from who i am because i know theres one out there
one hurting one alone one confused
but if i can make it through the narrow i know that one can too
and my heart pleads for people to understand just what your love is and just who you are
God i love you and all those you call me to love so much it breaks my heart!
Your love is beyond what i need yet you give me only enough to last me for today
That Just enough strength and that just enough love is what keeps me coming back to you
and when i get that extra im overwhelmed taken aback...when im overflowing i have to give it back
I wish i knew how to love some other way, love with caution, loving safe
but clearly thats not who you made me to be or want me to become, i love with everything and ill love anyone
And when im hurt and broken and when i have been done wrong i cant help but love the doer because your love God is so strong
And i wish people could know i wish they could understand that my God is the lover of me know love could compare received by any man
I hate that i love wrecklessly, that i love those who cant love the same
but what the heck is life worth if you cant love through the pain
God I wish they understood that you love us all so much and your hurting and in pain seeing us hurt from love
when its love your very love thats supposed to be enough
Theres a passion inside me that screams to know you more and i wish people could understand where ive stood
ive stood before you broken, alone confused, ive been overwhelmed ripped apart, screaming ive felt abused and yet in silence in the stillness in the darkness where i have stood Dear God help them understand that no matter where, you are good
I speak from who i am because i know theres one out there
one hurting one alone one confused
but if i can make it through the narrow i know that one can too
and my heart pleads for people to understand just what your love is and just who you are
God i love you and all those you call me to love so much it breaks my heart!
Here again
How can a heart contain this much love…enough love to keep loving when ones given up
Have I confused love with fear? The fear of letting go the fear of moving on. The fear of really truly having to trust my god.
Take this from my hands tear my flesh if you will… I don’t know how else to ask you to finish this reel
The movie plays back slowly pacing through my senses it’s just relentless
The feeling of holding on but letting go not caring but still wanting to know
Tasting freedom it’s so close I’m almost there then it hits me takes me out again
I’m left at what I feel is the beginning like an elliptical…no end
It makes sense why I have no control to where it stops because I didn’t press play
And I catch myself living like I had control over your choice to stay
Reality sets in that I’m just a pawn in this game no matter what numbers on the dice
You’re moving the pieces and changing the rules..twisting everything to make me the fool
So what am I learning what are you trying to teach me..how to live without being able to breathe?
Is it fun for you or are you completely unaware…it prolly seems a lot less from where you watch
Or are you even watching, maybe your just acting, just living breathing, easily, unbottched
I inhale your memories and exhale this sickness, this nagging uneasiness
I want to go back to the days where I didn’t even know this could exist
But its t too easy to live there to live in the safe, I was not created for safe I was created for real
And real is hurt and real is pain and real is convincing myself I can hold the reigns
But really they’ll always be in your hands until the end but there is no end viscous cycle
It begins again…..
Have I confused love with fear? The fear of letting go the fear of moving on. The fear of really truly having to trust my god.
Take this from my hands tear my flesh if you will… I don’t know how else to ask you to finish this reel
The movie plays back slowly pacing through my senses it’s just relentless
The feeling of holding on but letting go not caring but still wanting to know
Tasting freedom it’s so close I’m almost there then it hits me takes me out again
I’m left at what I feel is the beginning like an elliptical…no end
It makes sense why I have no control to where it stops because I didn’t press play
And I catch myself living like I had control over your choice to stay
Reality sets in that I’m just a pawn in this game no matter what numbers on the dice
You’re moving the pieces and changing the rules..twisting everything to make me the fool
So what am I learning what are you trying to teach me..how to live without being able to breathe?
Is it fun for you or are you completely unaware…it prolly seems a lot less from where you watch
Or are you even watching, maybe your just acting, just living breathing, easily, unbottched
I inhale your memories and exhale this sickness, this nagging uneasiness
I want to go back to the days where I didn’t even know this could exist
But its t too easy to live there to live in the safe, I was not created for safe I was created for real
And real is hurt and real is pain and real is convincing myself I can hold the reigns
But really they’ll always be in your hands until the end but there is no end viscous cycle
It begins again…..
Syllables at the tip of the tongue
Ascending words in twisted beauty
The feeling of hope can sometimes be a tease
Open my eyes to see what my broken heart beats for
God take my heart and mend it to yours
Take my eager reflection and create what you want to see
Draw me out of this place pick me up and love me
No more entertaining the thought of things that could come true
Illd rather leave it alone and ascend on my words that harmonize with you
The beauty of the tragedy comes when your light caresses my soul
So take my thoughts my heart my complete beauty and make it whole
This is my life this is where I stand
So youll have to take me as I am
Head in the clouds heart on the floor
Heap of broken memories wrapped in images ripped and torn
Beauty unspeakable not easy to describe
Fiery passion confused by the everlasting brokenness inside
Hollow thoughts depths unreached,
covered in selfishness trying to fight where I can see
Blinded by darkness, walking in faith
Grasping for something permanent lingering in this empty space
This is who I am this is what I do
Twisted redeemed made new
Everlasting beauty through and through
The feeling of hope can sometimes be a tease
Open my eyes to see what my broken heart beats for
God take my heart and mend it to yours
Take my eager reflection and create what you want to see
Draw me out of this place pick me up and love me
No more entertaining the thought of things that could come true
Illd rather leave it alone and ascend on my words that harmonize with you
The beauty of the tragedy comes when your light caresses my soul
So take my thoughts my heart my complete beauty and make it whole
This is my life this is where I stand
So youll have to take me as I am
Head in the clouds heart on the floor
Heap of broken memories wrapped in images ripped and torn
Beauty unspeakable not easy to describe
Fiery passion confused by the everlasting brokenness inside
Hollow thoughts depths unreached,
covered in selfishness trying to fight where I can see
Blinded by darkness, walking in faith
Grasping for something permanent lingering in this empty space
This is who I am this is what I do
Twisted redeemed made new
Everlasting beauty through and through
Control
Theres a restless spirit deep within me fighting to take control
if i could just hold on if i could take the reighns i think illd be ok?
if i could tell you i hate you or its ok cause i never cared or if i could believe it all felt so wrong
if i could convince myself that your not worth my time or everything i feel is a lie
This spirit is growing stronger this thing that wants control
i want to decide when and where my heart goes
cause then you wouldnt have it YOU wouldnt have control
i said i wouldnt believe in a single word you said then where did i lose myself where did I end
if only i would of ran when i knew it would keep me safe
if only i would have controled my self and not let you take that place
that place in me where i listen and i believe
I hate that I would ever let anyone effect me
and you did and now im hear wishing i would have just had control
this spirit inside of me is saying it told me so
i never know where my heart ends up when i dont have control
and its the scariest thing this breathe choking me in my throat
my heart is pounding because i just dont know
i dont know where i go to now i dont know what all this meansj
the confusions overwhelming and that spirit the control its batteling me
i want to let go of you forget just who you are
i want to forget those words that youll never live up to, i want to forget you
if only i had control of any of this of who we are
maybe then i wouldnt have let my heart wander off so far
you have it now and i dont know how to get it back
but i cant live in control cause my God knows that i know better than that
if i could just hold on if i could take the reighns i think illd be ok?
if i could tell you i hate you or its ok cause i never cared or if i could believe it all felt so wrong
if i could convince myself that your not worth my time or everything i feel is a lie
This spirit is growing stronger this thing that wants control
i want to decide when and where my heart goes
cause then you wouldnt have it YOU wouldnt have control
i said i wouldnt believe in a single word you said then where did i lose myself where did I end
if only i would of ran when i knew it would keep me safe
if only i would have controled my self and not let you take that place
that place in me where i listen and i believe
I hate that I would ever let anyone effect me
and you did and now im hear wishing i would have just had control
this spirit inside of me is saying it told me so
i never know where my heart ends up when i dont have control
and its the scariest thing this breathe choking me in my throat
my heart is pounding because i just dont know
i dont know where i go to now i dont know what all this meansj
the confusions overwhelming and that spirit the control its batteling me
i want to let go of you forget just who you are
i want to forget those words that youll never live up to, i want to forget you
if only i had control of any of this of who we are
maybe then i wouldnt have let my heart wander off so far
you have it now and i dont know how to get it back
but i cant live in control cause my God knows that i know better than that
Stronger
You can knock me down but not out my God is more powerful than that no doubt
Through terrential down poor and paths unseen i cant see anything else but god holding me
in the fear in the sickess in confusion in pain no matter what my god is the same
Hope in tomorrow letting go of today trying to learn trying to grasp the only relief is my God at last
when im unsettled when i just cant breathe broken on the floor wondering what its for
Its in those moments i dont feel peace not even safe but i just cant bring myself to turn away
because he has been faithful no doubt i have never gone without
and even in the season where its one breathe at a time one step where i cant see
i know that when i absalutly cant stand alone my god will stand for me
and i dont know why he loves me so much and i dont know why i havent given up
i cant explain why my god is comfort but i still feel the pain
i dont understand how he can take me from here pick me up and help me go on
but i know that it will never happen if i continue to be strong
so here i am at the end of my rope letting go of it all on my knees my Father standing tall
i dont know what tomorrow holds and if ill ever be ok
but i do know that nothing matters on this earth anyway
and if i feel this pain everyday untill i pass
It will have been worth it to one day be with my Father at last!
Through terrential down poor and paths unseen i cant see anything else but god holding me
in the fear in the sickess in confusion in pain no matter what my god is the same
Hope in tomorrow letting go of today trying to learn trying to grasp the only relief is my God at last
when im unsettled when i just cant breathe broken on the floor wondering what its for
Its in those moments i dont feel peace not even safe but i just cant bring myself to turn away
because he has been faithful no doubt i have never gone without
and even in the season where its one breathe at a time one step where i cant see
i know that when i absalutly cant stand alone my god will stand for me
and i dont know why he loves me so much and i dont know why i havent given up
i cant explain why my god is comfort but i still feel the pain
i dont understand how he can take me from here pick me up and help me go on
but i know that it will never happen if i continue to be strong
so here i am at the end of my rope letting go of it all on my knees my Father standing tall
i dont know what tomorrow holds and if ill ever be ok
but i do know that nothing matters on this earth anyway
and if i feel this pain everyday untill i pass
It will have been worth it to one day be with my Father at last!
Daughters
The healing may not be instant and the brighter day far off
But how much more beautiful will it be when its seen through the eyes of one who has suffered
How much more can I love you through each aching pain and each broken day
And I know you don’t understand chlid and I know how much you fear
But all I cant tell you is to look up and youll see me here
Youll see me hurting as you hurt and tearing as you cry
And I don’t want you to feel that emptiness inside I don’t want you to fight
Im your father and I want to hold you in your pain
I want to stroke your hair and let you know that in the end its ok
And my hands are on you I swear they are we have never been apart
I want to stop all that’s being thrown it you I want to curse your tormentors and set you free
But you have to walk through the valleys to get to me
And daughter I love you the beauty in your eyes
I created you strtong but not strong enough for on your own to survive
If your real still in my prescence you can here me speak
Im whispering to you my strength when your feeling most weak
Your not in the wrong child, your not far off
Just a few more broken paths and youll find your way to me
Im sorry that its been hard and you’ve felt so alone but soon youll be free
And I want to draw you in keep you safe from harm
But sometimes it has to cut you and sometimes you have to bleed
Just continue to walk it out to live with my lead
And no matter what no matter when no matter how far away you feel
Just know these are my words not your own and stand on that, IM REAL!
But how much more beautiful will it be when its seen through the eyes of one who has suffered
How much more can I love you through each aching pain and each broken day
And I know you don’t understand chlid and I know how much you fear
But all I cant tell you is to look up and youll see me here
Youll see me hurting as you hurt and tearing as you cry
And I don’t want you to feel that emptiness inside I don’t want you to fight
Im your father and I want to hold you in your pain
I want to stroke your hair and let you know that in the end its ok
And my hands are on you I swear they are we have never been apart
I want to stop all that’s being thrown it you I want to curse your tormentors and set you free
But you have to walk through the valleys to get to me
And daughter I love you the beauty in your eyes
I created you strtong but not strong enough for on your own to survive
If your real still in my prescence you can here me speak
Im whispering to you my strength when your feeling most weak
Your not in the wrong child, your not far off
Just a few more broken paths and youll find your way to me
Im sorry that its been hard and you’ve felt so alone but soon youll be free
And I want to draw you in keep you safe from harm
But sometimes it has to cut you and sometimes you have to bleed
Just continue to walk it out to live with my lead
And no matter what no matter when no matter how far away you feel
Just know these are my words not your own and stand on that, IM REAL!
Liar
Your name should be dissapointment your face called a lie
You should come with a warning or some type of sign
They shouldn’t hand you hearts to do with what you please
Your vulnerable interactions should be monitered at least
You shouldn’t be able use the words sorry at least not that many times
Your I love yous should be banned as well as your im fines
The ache you caused you Should never have to feel
And of course you should run away when it all becomes to real
You should always choose dare cause im not sure you know what is truth
And of course your words should never require proof
If ever ask why go ahead and plead the fifth
And as for forgotten mistakes go ahead and check me off your list
No need for reason in your practical life
Continue exisiting in ease why put up a fight
But they also shouldn’t leave you alone with your own thoughts
Cause the guilt may eat you up as you finally count the cost
And im not upset don’t worry don’t doubt
Im just sayin whoever did whoever it was shouldn’t have let you out.
You should come with a warning or some type of sign
They shouldn’t hand you hearts to do with what you please
Your vulnerable interactions should be monitered at least
You shouldn’t be able use the words sorry at least not that many times
Your I love yous should be banned as well as your im fines
The ache you caused you Should never have to feel
And of course you should run away when it all becomes to real
You should always choose dare cause im not sure you know what is truth
And of course your words should never require proof
If ever ask why go ahead and plead the fifth
And as for forgotten mistakes go ahead and check me off your list
No need for reason in your practical life
Continue exisiting in ease why put up a fight
But they also shouldn’t leave you alone with your own thoughts
Cause the guilt may eat you up as you finally count the cost
And im not upset don’t worry don’t doubt
Im just sayin whoever did whoever it was shouldn’t have let you out.
Gasp
Take me in breathe for me where the air in my lungs has turn to poison
The pressure is on im swimming in all of this now
Its drowning me im in over my head and I don’t see the light
The walls in my thoughts close in leaving only a glimpse of truth
And the pain in my chest tightens and chokes out the joy in me
My hope is gone and I can’t hold on and it’s all closing in again
Where’s the end where does it stop it’s all a blur again
One of those bad dreams but I can’t seem to pinch myself awake
Why does it hurt so bad when I thought I was letting go
Why does this follow me when im leaving no hints of what im headed for
Give me a next step please and may the next time I open my eyes can this just be over
Ive hurt enough and seen enough ive lived enough I just want to be safe
Im leaving my heart outside of me now theres no other way
I wish someone was on my side its become and unfair game
These memories are chasing me no matter where I run
And im down to the last of me im ready to just give up
Ive given in to believing that to this whole mess theres an end
Because every step forward theres two back and it rushes in all over again
I want to escape all of this and I don’t know how
So im traped in myself pounding and scratching trying to fight my way past this wall
And its me im fighthing my own heart and my own thougts
I want to be someonelse just for day even a moment
So I can remember what it’s like to breathe easy and not pretend
Maybe just maybe there is no end and I am who I am and im stuck where im stuck
Quite possibly could there be no over for me…
The pressure is on im swimming in all of this now
Its drowning me im in over my head and I don’t see the light
The walls in my thoughts close in leaving only a glimpse of truth
And the pain in my chest tightens and chokes out the joy in me
My hope is gone and I can’t hold on and it’s all closing in again
Where’s the end where does it stop it’s all a blur again
One of those bad dreams but I can’t seem to pinch myself awake
Why does it hurt so bad when I thought I was letting go
Why does this follow me when im leaving no hints of what im headed for
Give me a next step please and may the next time I open my eyes can this just be over
Ive hurt enough and seen enough ive lived enough I just want to be safe
Im leaving my heart outside of me now theres no other way
I wish someone was on my side its become and unfair game
These memories are chasing me no matter where I run
And im down to the last of me im ready to just give up
Ive given in to believing that to this whole mess theres an end
Because every step forward theres two back and it rushes in all over again
I want to escape all of this and I don’t know how
So im traped in myself pounding and scratching trying to fight my way past this wall
And its me im fighthing my own heart and my own thougts
I want to be someonelse just for day even a moment
So I can remember what it’s like to breathe easy and not pretend
Maybe just maybe there is no end and I am who I am and im stuck where im stuck
Quite possibly could there be no over for me…
Sometimes God gives me a song
(Verse 1)
In the emptiness lord your are fullness of life
In the midst of this storm you are how a survive
Set my eyes to your cross lord
Where this battle was won
You are the hope lord you’ve set it is done
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
(Verse 2)
When I run from you lord
you stay by my side
And tears they fall lord
You wipe them from my eyes
At the enemys feet at the end of my rope
You lift my eyes to heaven, my only hope
(Chorus)
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
(Bridge)
And its all worth the pain to one day see your face and know your hand was on me all along
No matter what the cost …its counted all as loss to know your love and hear you call my name
(Chorus)
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
In the emptiness lord your are fullness of life
In the midst of this storm you are how a survive
Set my eyes to your cross lord
Where this battle was won
You are the hope lord you’ve set it is done
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
(Verse 2)
When I run from you lord
you stay by my side
And tears they fall lord
You wipe them from my eyes
At the enemys feet at the end of my rope
You lift my eyes to heaven, my only hope
(Chorus)
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
(Bridge)
And its all worth the pain to one day see your face and know your hand was on me all along
No matter what the cost …its counted all as loss to know your love and hear you call my name
(Chorus)
Lord You are faithful Lord You are Faithful Lord You are You are Faithful and I believe
You are my strength lord you are my strength lord you are my strength lord when I am weak
Scarred
"Scar= a lasting after effect of trouble, a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma."
She said you left a scar after the bruise.
She thinks it would have healed fine if not for the constant tearing at the unhealed wound.
She wonders where it started the breaking of the skin.
She didn’t realize the wound began the moment she let you in.
Pieces of her were sought through your eyes, and parts of her were won buy your lies.
The adrenaline flowed through her with every encounter every touch.
But it was simply the blood from her heart beginning to flow to the surface and out of the flesh.
The excitement streamed over her face she couldn’t even feel the oxygen leaving her now
Overtaken and enchanted she slipped into a place she never thought she knew
She thought finally she could let her heart go
And everyone watched and waited for her to see for her to catch on
They saw her bleed, saw him tear into her and wondered why she couldn’t feel it
She thinks its when you left when you finally let her go.
It was then she felt her heart swell and the tears slowly begin to flow
And she looked down to see her heart there next to her on the floor
And her chest just a painful flesh wound from where you tore
She believes it was while she was loving you you were tearing her apart
When she realized that you left her heart and weren’t taking it with you
She picked it back up and put it to use
She believes her heart is stronger now
But theres still a scar there where you tore at her chest to get to her heart to get your own, to leave her as you found her…alone
She said you left a scar after the bruise.
She thinks it would have healed fine if not for the constant tearing at the unhealed wound.
She wonders where it started the breaking of the skin.
She didn’t realize the wound began the moment she let you in.
Pieces of her were sought through your eyes, and parts of her were won buy your lies.
The adrenaline flowed through her with every encounter every touch.
But it was simply the blood from her heart beginning to flow to the surface and out of the flesh.
The excitement streamed over her face she couldn’t even feel the oxygen leaving her now
Overtaken and enchanted she slipped into a place she never thought she knew
She thought finally she could let her heart go
And everyone watched and waited for her to see for her to catch on
They saw her bleed, saw him tear into her and wondered why she couldn’t feel it
She thinks its when you left when you finally let her go.
It was then she felt her heart swell and the tears slowly begin to flow
And she looked down to see her heart there next to her on the floor
And her chest just a painful flesh wound from where you tore
She believes it was while she was loving you you were tearing her apart
When she realized that you left her heart and weren’t taking it with you
She picked it back up and put it to use
She believes her heart is stronger now
But theres still a scar there where you tore at her chest to get to her heart to get your own, to leave her as you found her…alone
My foolish heart
Is it stupid to say after all you’ve put me through illd still do anything for you
And is it foolish of me to still feel you here when you left so long ago
Am I completely lost to still hold your words and want to count them from what there worth
Would I be holding on if I still think of how you fit so right
Could I be stuck, if its still hard to sleep at night
When does it get easier, easier to let go
And how can stop feeling this feeling that seems to grow
My feet are moving forward but my heart seems to be behind
And I cant seem to escape this streaming image of what was good in my mind
You havent given me a reason to keep fighting for this long
And I don’t have much left in me to continue to be strong
And maybe it’s a cripple ill walk with for the rest of my life
And maybe my hearts just waiting for me to give up the fight
But whenever that day comes, when I awake and it finally gone
And the healing is permanent no looking back only moving on
Ill look back on this and see I was way to srtong for far to long
So im giving in to all of this, although I don’t know what means
But swimming in all of this hasn’t been worth much at all, and im letting go im ready to fall.
And is it foolish of me to still feel you here when you left so long ago
Am I completely lost to still hold your words and want to count them from what there worth
Would I be holding on if I still think of how you fit so right
Could I be stuck, if its still hard to sleep at night
When does it get easier, easier to let go
And how can stop feeling this feeling that seems to grow
My feet are moving forward but my heart seems to be behind
And I cant seem to escape this streaming image of what was good in my mind
You havent given me a reason to keep fighting for this long
And I don’t have much left in me to continue to be strong
And maybe it’s a cripple ill walk with for the rest of my life
And maybe my hearts just waiting for me to give up the fight
But whenever that day comes, when I awake and it finally gone
And the healing is permanent no looking back only moving on
Ill look back on this and see I was way to srtong for far to long
So im giving in to all of this, although I don’t know what means
But swimming in all of this hasn’t been worth much at all, and im letting go im ready to fall.
Trust
He felt my broken heart when I was there weaping in the dark
Covered by the shame and regret it was there that my needs were met
Always in disguise this comfort I find
Not comfort at all just him assuring me that I am his and he is mine
And im blinded by confusion choking from circumstance
And its then when the questions arise its in those moment he’ll find me and ask
Will you trust me more, more than yesterday
I and theres nothing in me that can even think of words to say
Can I trust you more can hurt more can I lose more can I feel more far away?
Me trusting you more is not knowing when Ill see the brighter day
And yet I have to answer you lord I must say yes
Because trusting you is all my life depends
And you required nothing of me, not like people not like them at all
Ill fail and ill fall, and yet you love my imperfection, and you’re my cripple when it takes everything just to crawl
So I gasp in one more time not sure what more of my heart the words im about to speak will require
But I must trust you theres no other way I have nothing left, its there you meet me and set it on fire
The passion the hunger, fuel it for your glory, fuel it for you name
Trusting you means more than some will ever know for me its not the same
I don’t know what easy is, not in a single aspect of my life not in my mind
But I also don’t know what it is to live a day without you god because I need you more than them
And that is why I trust , why I could never turn away, because you’re the ONLY one that’s ever loved me enough to STAY!
Covered by the shame and regret it was there that my needs were met
Always in disguise this comfort I find
Not comfort at all just him assuring me that I am his and he is mine
And im blinded by confusion choking from circumstance
And its then when the questions arise its in those moment he’ll find me and ask
Will you trust me more, more than yesterday
I and theres nothing in me that can even think of words to say
Can I trust you more can hurt more can I lose more can I feel more far away?
Me trusting you more is not knowing when Ill see the brighter day
And yet I have to answer you lord I must say yes
Because trusting you is all my life depends
And you required nothing of me, not like people not like them at all
Ill fail and ill fall, and yet you love my imperfection, and you’re my cripple when it takes everything just to crawl
So I gasp in one more time not sure what more of my heart the words im about to speak will require
But I must trust you theres no other way I have nothing left, its there you meet me and set it on fire
The passion the hunger, fuel it for your glory, fuel it for you name
Trusting you means more than some will ever know for me its not the same
I don’t know what easy is, not in a single aspect of my life not in my mind
But I also don’t know what it is to live a day without you god because I need you more than them
And that is why I trust , why I could never turn away, because you’re the ONLY one that’s ever loved me enough to STAY!
Undeserving
Its been said your grace is sufficient more than enough
even trapped inside of me in the darkest corners of my mind
im on my face again and it your grace that i find
and there's a release in me when you find me here
holding tightly to what i didnt know was mine
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
and i could be a liar a sinner a fool
could try to walk without you
stand on my own to feet
and yet you wait for me
despite my selfish heart i have never been alone
covered in this shame you still call me your own
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
so im shedding this weakness, embracing new life
its only by your grace that my heart has survived
how undeserving, of this grace that releases me
i cannot be bound by chains that aren't strong enough to hold a fight that they cant see
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
even trapped inside of me in the darkest corners of my mind
im on my face again and it your grace that i find
and there's a release in me when you find me here
holding tightly to what i didnt know was mine
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
and i could be a liar a sinner a fool
could try to walk without you
stand on my own to feet
and yet you wait for me
despite my selfish heart i have never been alone
covered in this shame you still call me your own
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
so im shedding this weakness, embracing new life
its only by your grace that my heart has survived
how undeserving, of this grace that releases me
i cannot be bound by chains that aren't strong enough to hold a fight that they cant see
and its your grace that comforts me
your grace that sets me free
when i find im always on my knees
its for the grace that rescues me
Tired of being Tired for far too long
don’t wait to move till theres nothing left in you and everyone else is to blame
don’t plant your feet in that comfortable space, keep on talking and then just wait
Thinking doesn’t tangibley move the hand of god, and complaining has never fixed whats gone wrong
You can just scratch the surface and think that your fine but you havent come close to seeing beyond all who say there fine
And so many walk around alone and confused, and you think and feel that its just you
Your all screaming and yet the silence is so thick, and your heart cant stand the noise
Who will let go whose ready to move, you wait and you watch because you don’t feel it should be you
Who is God to you is God a love who abandons, or fears, or lies or is he that power that conquers the divide.
When giving up isn’t an option will you just give in , its all the same when you let the enemy win
Hopless barely breathing barely holding on were all tired of being tired for far to long
What have we conquered alone and apart and what ground have we gained by carrying our own
Weve missed the target weve lost our aim and all we can think to do is find some circumstancce to blame
But knowing whats wrong and speaking out loud will never fix where we have left god out
All of it is bigger than us now and we must find the way out
Its not by speaking, or shallow empty love,
Its throught conquering the spirit of weve just had enough
God wants to speak he wants to move, he wants us to stop asking, and start being used
And through the selfish eyes and partial hearts, we must renew our purpose, and finally start
Start to change start to believe, believe that with out the one next to us we are not complete
Function as a unit and let go of ME,
Don’t make it about you, your needs your heart,
Maybe if we finally give up…maybe then the move will start!
don’t plant your feet in that comfortable space, keep on talking and then just wait
Thinking doesn’t tangibley move the hand of god, and complaining has never fixed whats gone wrong
You can just scratch the surface and think that your fine but you havent come close to seeing beyond all who say there fine
And so many walk around alone and confused, and you think and feel that its just you
Your all screaming and yet the silence is so thick, and your heart cant stand the noise
Who will let go whose ready to move, you wait and you watch because you don’t feel it should be you
Who is God to you is God a love who abandons, or fears, or lies or is he that power that conquers the divide.
When giving up isn’t an option will you just give in , its all the same when you let the enemy win
Hopless barely breathing barely holding on were all tired of being tired for far to long
What have we conquered alone and apart and what ground have we gained by carrying our own
Weve missed the target weve lost our aim and all we can think to do is find some circumstancce to blame
But knowing whats wrong and speaking out loud will never fix where we have left god out
All of it is bigger than us now and we must find the way out
Its not by speaking, or shallow empty love,
Its throught conquering the spirit of weve just had enough
God wants to speak he wants to move, he wants us to stop asking, and start being used
And through the selfish eyes and partial hearts, we must renew our purpose, and finally start
Start to change start to believe, believe that with out the one next to us we are not complete
Function as a unit and let go of ME,
Don’t make it about you, your needs your heart,
Maybe if we finally give up…maybe then the move will start!
Everytime I hear Everything
>I see you standing there looking into me but you wont come after me you wont make it easier to breathe
Your eyes say they want to hold me and the grimace on your face shows you can see my pain
the enemy taunts me takes hold and they wont let go
and somethings keeping you from me keeping me on my knees
i cant even reach to you and cant let go of whats holding me
theres something between us but im so blinded i just cant see
whats going on all around me, its a battle unseen and its raging inside the unfulfilled parts of me
You watch me there trying to claw my way out and you cant help
and your face begins to turn as you listen to me scream
a deep bellowed hollow sound from the very bottom of the emptiness in me
and im so scared and i just need you here, i cant see you but i feel you there
and im so angry why arent you rescuing me , i need you more now than ever before
How can all this be closing in on me now God your supposed to give me a way out
You turn and walk away unable to witness or feel my pain
Because i have covered myself in all of this on my own ive made this mess
You just want to love me embrace me, call me yours
But you watch me, and im not letting go
The demons surround me from every side stealing my breathe and making me cry
they attack my weakness steal my hope blind the truth and cut my rope
the rope that once binded me to you , now im giving up im gonna lose
dear God take my hand i dont have the strength to reach.
How long will the enemy stand over me?
Your eyes say they want to hold me and the grimace on your face shows you can see my pain
the enemy taunts me takes hold and they wont let go
and somethings keeping you from me keeping me on my knees
i cant even reach to you and cant let go of whats holding me
theres something between us but im so blinded i just cant see
whats going on all around me, its a battle unseen and its raging inside the unfulfilled parts of me
You watch me there trying to claw my way out and you cant help
and your face begins to turn as you listen to me scream
a deep bellowed hollow sound from the very bottom of the emptiness in me
and im so scared and i just need you here, i cant see you but i feel you there
and im so angry why arent you rescuing me , i need you more now than ever before
How can all this be closing in on me now God your supposed to give me a way out
You turn and walk away unable to witness or feel my pain
Because i have covered myself in all of this on my own ive made this mess
You just want to love me embrace me, call me yours
But you watch me, and im not letting go
The demons surround me from every side stealing my breathe and making me cry
they attack my weakness steal my hope blind the truth and cut my rope
the rope that once binded me to you , now im giving up im gonna lose
dear God take my hand i dont have the strength to reach.
How long will the enemy stand over me?
1/2/2010
“Down in the human heart / Crushed by the tempter / Feelings lie buried that grace can restore.”
Sometimes I wonder in the chaos that is my relationship with God is it possible to have irrevocably screwed up. Have I wandered to far. Have I fallen to hard too many times. Where does God’s grace end. Am I the reason for my own inability to feel and to know and to grow. If so if I have fallen to hard for to long than how is my heart restored without going backwards and how is my faith renewed without starting from the beginning.
"My hands never left you, my love is never less
And you find yourself weak again and ill always give you strength to restore your faith in me
Your not slipping backwards or running away your just less free when you don’t rely solely on me
And I want to help you I will never leave you here I will never leave you stuck
But you keep trying on your own and I cant force myself to be enough
And you being weak being broken is the most beautiful thing
When you turn around look up and look down and not a person for you to run to
its my hand you can always find reaching out to you
Why do you keep fighting a fight that isn’t for you to win
Im waiting for the moment you realize and give in
When you give in to believing that my grace can be earned
And give in to believing that a relationship with me is something that can be learned
As you break I replace the old tattered parts of you
Cant you see that every time you fall it’s a chance for me to heal you
I want to prove my love but I need you to believe
Believe that when I take my hands off you its for your heart to see
To see what its like without me that its not worth the pain
It may be lonely and you may have to wait
And waiting may get tiring and when your tired you’ll lose your strength
But when you fall I meet you there and you’ll be cushioned by my grace
Stop trying stop reaching stop striving and let go
To answer you my child have you or will you ever gone to far?…No" - God
Sometimes I wonder in the chaos that is my relationship with God is it possible to have irrevocably screwed up. Have I wandered to far. Have I fallen to hard too many times. Where does God’s grace end. Am I the reason for my own inability to feel and to know and to grow. If so if I have fallen to hard for to long than how is my heart restored without going backwards and how is my faith renewed without starting from the beginning.
"My hands never left you, my love is never less
And you find yourself weak again and ill always give you strength to restore your faith in me
Your not slipping backwards or running away your just less free when you don’t rely solely on me
And I want to help you I will never leave you here I will never leave you stuck
But you keep trying on your own and I cant force myself to be enough
And you being weak being broken is the most beautiful thing
When you turn around look up and look down and not a person for you to run to
its my hand you can always find reaching out to you
Why do you keep fighting a fight that isn’t for you to win
Im waiting for the moment you realize and give in
When you give in to believing that my grace can be earned
And give in to believing that a relationship with me is something that can be learned
As you break I replace the old tattered parts of you
Cant you see that every time you fall it’s a chance for me to heal you
I want to prove my love but I need you to believe
Believe that when I take my hands off you its for your heart to see
To see what its like without me that its not worth the pain
It may be lonely and you may have to wait
And waiting may get tiring and when your tired you’ll lose your strength
But when you fall I meet you there and you’ll be cushioned by my grace
Stop trying stop reaching stop striving and let go
To answer you my child have you or will you ever gone to far?…No" - God
1/3/2010
When everything around me is as the world says it should be
its hard to keep on dreaming the dreams he’s placed in me
And the voices are all so heavy pulling me apart
What is directions for if it doesn’t get you very far
I feel a world apart from all these people and there plans
Practical thinking is far from where I am
And the pressure of the future what must be where you stand
I cant force all the whispers pulling at my hands
What if I have no answers, or they don’t sound good aloud
What if I choose to walk set apart, soar opposite the crowd
My eyes may be hazy filled with all these dreams
But at least there not empty, lost in the worlds could be’s
Illd rather dream big and not explain a move at all
Than talk of all these things and everyone see me fall
I encourage my behavior to love the impossible things in me
The world can tell me a thousand times, but im done trying to conform trying to “be”
Im gonna dream and im gonna dream where others cant see
its hard to keep on dreaming the dreams he’s placed in me
And the voices are all so heavy pulling me apart
What is directions for if it doesn’t get you very far
I feel a world apart from all these people and there plans
Practical thinking is far from where I am
And the pressure of the future what must be where you stand
I cant force all the whispers pulling at my hands
What if I have no answers, or they don’t sound good aloud
What if I choose to walk set apart, soar opposite the crowd
My eyes may be hazy filled with all these dreams
But at least there not empty, lost in the worlds could be’s
Illd rather dream big and not explain a move at all
Than talk of all these things and everyone see me fall
I encourage my behavior to love the impossible things in me
The world can tell me a thousand times, but im done trying to conform trying to “be”
Im gonna dream and im gonna dream where others cant see
Today
I needed you today and you didn’t show your face
So here im left to revive myself once again
I tasted freedom again today at touched my lips and cleansed my skin as it blew me by
And today felt like less, less like it always does
And I tried to give my best today try to keep from bleeding ,
But I found myself tainted, tainted by your love
I needed air today, inhale exhale and renew
I lost my strength today, ended broken, dirty, used
I was fooled again today, had expectations and I lost
Closed my eyes again today , closed my eyes so I could see
Dropped my dream again today, thought it would make me free
Lost my heart again today, lost it in the sea
Swam in the sea today to try and find whats left of me
I waited for tomorrow again today tried to find some rest
And at the end of today I still gave you all I had left
I tried my hardest today and it still wasn’t enough
I dwelt on yesterday, and how hard it was
Released myself today from the grip choking me
But now nothings holding on im walkin today where I cant see
What about tomorrow will you show up then
What about tomorrow will these colors make sense?
And if tomorrow comes will I be where I left?
If tomorrow is going to come I need your hand on it.
Letting go of today, going to try again
Tomorrows in your hands
I promise then Ill let you in?
So here im left to revive myself once again
I tasted freedom again today at touched my lips and cleansed my skin as it blew me by
And today felt like less, less like it always does
And I tried to give my best today try to keep from bleeding ,
But I found myself tainted, tainted by your love
I needed air today, inhale exhale and renew
I lost my strength today, ended broken, dirty, used
I was fooled again today, had expectations and I lost
Closed my eyes again today , closed my eyes so I could see
Dropped my dream again today, thought it would make me free
Lost my heart again today, lost it in the sea
Swam in the sea today to try and find whats left of me
I waited for tomorrow again today tried to find some rest
And at the end of today I still gave you all I had left
I tried my hardest today and it still wasn’t enough
I dwelt on yesterday, and how hard it was
Released myself today from the grip choking me
But now nothings holding on im walkin today where I cant see
What about tomorrow will you show up then
What about tomorrow will these colors make sense?
And if tomorrow comes will I be where I left?
If tomorrow is going to come I need your hand on it.
Letting go of today, going to try again
Tomorrows in your hands
I promise then Ill let you in?
He taunts me in my sleep and lures the words my heart must speak.
Wounded and damaged this shallow heart dreams
Lost in the somethings this song that she sings
Battles are won while she closes here eyes
Fears are conquered along with goodbyes
Hollow voices whispering things of the past.
Weakened believing the freedom will last
Face on the floor drowning on her knees
Savoring moments easy to breathe
.
New beginings chasing, past just caught up
Giving in to tomorrow, giving in leaves her stuck
Her smile less empty with His saving grace
Feeling the warmth of His love on her face.
Bypass the ease forward to lasting
Tryin to hold onto lifes constant passing.
begging for mercy ready to give in
Thank God for my rescuer thank God he took my sin
The Glory dwelling in my shattered heart
My feverish strivings where Gods burdens start.
Giving up giving in you can have it all
the only love great enough to cushion my fall.
Lost in the somethings this song that she sings
Battles are won while she closes here eyes
Fears are conquered along with goodbyes
Hollow voices whispering things of the past.
Weakened believing the freedom will last
Face on the floor drowning on her knees
Savoring moments easy to breathe
.
New beginings chasing, past just caught up
Giving in to tomorrow, giving in leaves her stuck
Her smile less empty with His saving grace
Feeling the warmth of His love on her face.
Bypass the ease forward to lasting
Tryin to hold onto lifes constant passing.
begging for mercy ready to give in
Thank God for my rescuer thank God he took my sin
The Glory dwelling in my shattered heart
My feverish strivings where Gods burdens start.
Giving up giving in you can have it all
the only love great enough to cushion my fall.
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