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So many questions, so many doubts, so many fears, but mostly questions, mostly whys?
Why me, Why this, Why now, Why not. Or maybe even Whens? When will this stop hurting? When will this storm be over, When will i hear your voice again?
In the midst of some of the most difficult trials of our lives we stand what feels like completly alone offering God all our questions all our doubts. Wondering will it be like this forever. And instead of standing on GOds word we use it as amunition to throw in Gods face as if our mess our storms have somehow become to big for Him to handle. And in abscence of peace the very faith the very foundation we once used to call down fire from heaven, the very thing that healed our pasts and gave us new life, all of it seems almost unreal, like it never happened, too far to hold on too in this storm.
So what then. When we are broken lost, when we have cried out when we have searched his word when we have tried to just be still and listen, when we have just put our heads down and walked through it just believing that it would get better. So then what when all this and you still find yourself where you started. Then what.
We search for answers, seek council, we can collect all these wise answers, be prayed over prayed for sought after, when can fight, cry, kick and scream. We can offer up our praise in the midst of a trial.
Try it all, everything...and still we wake up, thinking, hoping, praying things will be different. That we will feel that life again, that joy, His ultimate peace. But instead we are confronted with the emptiness thats been haunting us for days, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years.
And so here I am, not just me but i know there are others, At the end of our rope nowhere else to turn no words to be given, we're just here and its just hard.
So as discouraging as that all sounds, theres something that I know. The enemy wants to see me fail, to see me fall, to give up. but theres something in me that refuses to give in. Once upon a time i commited my life to a God who I know beyond circumstance exists, and No matter what, come literal Hell or highwater there is no direction i could be pulled that would ever tear me away from my God. So, although things do not "feel" better, my circumstances have not changed I have to believe that God above all else sees my faithfulness to him. And I have to believe that WE will overcome. No matter where we are no matter what small inconvenient circumstance has brought us to our knees time and time again, I know that I Know that I know, that He is real. And every day no matter how i feel i will choose to "get up" and move forward. And as i do ill remember the words to "believe"....
It's getting closer
Believe it's coming
Around the corner
You're gonna make it
Take a look at all the places that He brought you from.
It's the impossible
Believe it's possible
You won't believe where I came from
Believe in Grace
This is the absolutely awesome thing. Regardless of the lack of assurance sometimes, in that time when we are just waiting and receiving no answers, that is when we have a chance to make everything better. It is in the times like that when we are told to trust regardless of the feelings we have and don't have. Once you get used to that routine, and hopefully it will become a routine, we will be able to overcome by the word of our testimony, when we relate how God has come through when we didn't know for sure but trusted anyways. But the waiting is the hard part. The lack of assurance, the not knowing, the utter desperation for a sign- any sign- that can help give you direction. All of it is necessary, for if we did not go through those times, our faith would be unable to grow because it wouldn't have been tested. So I say embrace that sinking feeling in your soul. Feel that frustration and despair, and then say out loud, "There is no point to this, and it will not stop me from trusting in God, no matter what." I promise you, once you can maintain trust, God will NEVER let you down. And then those feelings get easier and easier to manage, and smaller and smaller in that pit in your stomach. God is good, all the time.
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